Reality isn’t very different from the other side.

I’m going to fight for my dreams, how unrealistic they are. People who tell me that I cannot be who I want to be are the enemy. I’m casting them from my life with their pessimistic views.

 

But…

 

Please, let me into your life. Roll away that stone that blocks my way since I will not force myself into it if I am not wanted.

 

 

My sparks are diminishing. I cannot smile or laugh or love my art.

Can you lay next to me and give me your body, but also your love? Can you confess your love to me? I want your whole heart, not just pieces.

 

_________________

 

The girl smiles slightly, holding the bowstring taunt and staring down her enemies. She takes a step forward and swings the arrow head to a dashing boy covered in armor. She zero-ins on his eye and releases the string, making the arrow fly then pierce the boy in the head. He falls to the ground in a heap of metal and body. The girl stares at him with her dirtied face and ripped clothing. She walks to the body and twists the arrow from his head. She places it into the quiver on her back. Her eyes scan the area around her, looking for new enemies. With her contentment, the girl tiredly sits in front of a giant wooden gate in front of a stone castle. She smiles and laughs, thinking of her fights and sacrifices.

FREEDOM

When do we lose our child spirit? And why do we have to? What if we fought off the pressure to be a conformist? To grow up? Why can’t we still run around barefoot, getting dirty, laughing and screaming, playing games? Using our imaginations! Let us be wild, let us never grow up! We throve off of freedom. We thrive off of being ourselves. We should never have to choose between howling at the stars and acting like how we should act. So what if I want to run around in the woods, laughing? Can’t I have fun? Can’t we be ourselves instead of being turned into a monster? Why do we have to become what society wants us to become? Isn’t that infringing upon our own freedom? Our freedom to do what we want in this great land? I want to be free! I want to live my life! I don’t want to become like everyone else! I will not conform to your ways. Those traditional ways will not affect me. From this point on, I am creating my own freedom. My own life. The decisions I make are for me. I am discovering myself, my life, and my future. The past does not matter. The future is all I got and it’s all I need. The present is second best, but it’s missing motivation. It’s missing the secret ingredients that the future has. I can survive until then. I’ll live in the present, and hope for the future. I am my own pioneer. I am my own freedom.

I give respect for people who deserve it.

For those who do not deserve my respect, I have given you plenty of chances.
Parents.
People who tell me what is wrong with me.
People who criticize my life.
Those who are judgemental.
Those who don't tell the truth.
People who harm nature.

Here's your story. Here's the ending.

He shifts slightly, stretching out his body and slowly realizing where he is. His dark uniform is damp from the humid air created by the waterfall and the girl laying next to him is soundly asleep. With his stealth, he moves to the mouth of the cave, scanning the area through the waterfall. Suddenly, he crumples to the ground, gripping his bleeding chest. His hand finds a small sleek knife with a silver handle sunken into his heart. He grunts and finally yells out in pain, startling the girl. She jumps to her feet, running over to him. He breathes rapidly, his heart failing. His hand shakily reaches towards the girls face as she kneels beside him and caresses her face. He guides her head down slowly to his and kisses her weakly before losing his life. The girl is sobbing, looking over the man's body and slowly takes the knife out from his chest. She sets the knife aside and removes the mask from him, seeing his true self. She cries uncontrollably until she grabs the knife and his mask, walking through the misty waterfall, with her face dripping with tears but her heart as hard as stone.

Love, Happiness, and the sweet bite of drugs.

People say I have a big heart. How about a big fragile heart that gets destroyed every day? Well, that's what I have and I'm somewhat sick of it. I fall for people too easily and then I'm crushed when they turn and walk away. I'm too good, too nice. I'm too gullible. I take to people too quickly with their masks on. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being like this. Can I change myself? The way I used to be before going clean? That's what I need, corruption and pain. Pain to make me turn into stone. Pain to make me trust people less than I already do since it is too great. I need to turn into that girl I was before I fell in love. I need to become the girl with the fuck-off attitude once again. I need that strength to not care about what anyone else thinks again. Where did that all go? Did it go where everything else goes? Away with the other person, just like my love, happiness, and oh-so-sweet drugs?


Happiness. What the hell is happiness anymore? Seriously? Does anyone know? Then give me a hint. Is it in the materials? In our possessions? I doubt it. I bet it's within someone else. Someone else is searching for the same thing and I just need to find them. They will complete me, they will give me my happiness that I deserve. I've served other people far too long for this shit. I've been too nice to other people to not be rewarded. I've always been there for people, then why aren't they there for me when I need them the most?

Drugs. Who said they were bad the first time you came to that age? Your parents? Your guardians, teachers, some adult? Well, if you die a drug virgin, not my fault. You just didn't know how to live. Everyone should try a little pot at least once. Or, become a grifter. A motherfucker who lives the way they want to. Become one and I'm damn sure that you'll either hate it or love it for life.

Breathe.

I'm okay. I'm fine. I can survive this. I still love everyone, I still am content with life. I will be a great person. I will find my reward.

Good bye.

I'm taking a break. I need to escape. No reason to panic, just a little refresher.

I need to find myself again...

It's not your fault.

Look at yourself. You've committed mistakes. Have you been forgiven for them? I'm sure you have. And if you haven't, please, talk to that person.
So, if you've been forgiven for your mistakes, forgive other people for theirs. It doesn't matter what they did or how bad it was. Still, forgive them. Second chances? Do you believe in them?
_________________

Bang! "Dammit. I tipped my easel over."
"I'll fix it, no worries," he said as he picked up the wood easel and set it straight. "Thank you so much," she replied with her arms full of paint and brushes. He kissed her on the cheek and walked back to the window, looking outside. She yawned and dropped the supplies onto the dirty table, kicking aside stray pieces of canvas,"What do you want to do today?"
"Oh, I don't know. We could go get some ice cream or see a movie."
"How about both? We'll just make this day extravagant as possible."
"Are certain activities included?," he asked as his arms wrap around her from behind and his lips kissed her neck. She laughed and whispered,"later," as she slapped a paintbrush loaded with red paint on his cheek. He smiled and dipped his hand in blue, smearing it around her lips.

English Class

So, I'm sitting in English class right now but we're in the computer lab and I've already finished what we were supposed to do today. I'm sitting next to my best friend, who's a dude, mind you. We have to find a poet and some of their poems for this poetry journal that we have. I picked Saskia Hamilton, who is a modern poet. My friend, and this'll make you laugh if you're a little older, picked ABBA song lyrics! Wow, just wow. Like really?
I'm diving right into my art lately and I'm sketching/drawing/shading animals and/or flowers. Architecture has taken an interest to me also. I freakin love art.
We have our very own Charlie the Unicorn in our 11th grade class but it's a girl. My friend and I are always going 'Ring, ring, Hello?' around Charlie and she always ignores us. She's our friend so no worries. And if you haven't seen any Charlie the Unicorn episodes, YOU ARE A DEPRIVED SOUL! But, I love you anyways.

Y'ioun reion tayuio.

Let's be real here.
You can't be immortal no matter how hard you believe you are.
It just seems like you're a cocky bastard.
___________________________________________

__________________________________________

"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable.
Be honest and transparent anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People who really want help may attack you if you help them.
Help them anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt.
Give the world your best anyway."
--Mother Teresa

American
Centre of equal daughters, equal sons,
All, all alike endear'd, grown, ungrown, young or old,
Strong, ample, fair, enduring, capable, rich,
Perennial with the Earth, with Freedom, Law and Love,
A grand, sane, towering, seated Mother,
Chair'd in the adamant of Time.
--Walt Whitman

____________________________
_______________________________

They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swingin' hot spot
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot

Ooooh, bop bop bop
Ooooh, bop bop bop

They took all the trees, and put em in a tree museum
And they charged the people a dollar and a half to see them
No, no, no
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise, and put up a parking lot

Ooooh, bop bop bop
Ooooh, bop bop bop

Hey farmer, farmer, put away your DDT
I don't care about spots on my apples,
Leave me the birds and the bees
Please
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey now, they paved paradise to put up a parking lot
Why not?

Ooooh, bop bop bop
Ooooh, bop bop bop

Listen, late last night, I heard the screen door slam
And a big yellow taxi took my girl away
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Well, don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
They paved paradise to put up a parking lot
Why not?
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey hey hey
Paved paradise and put up a parking lot

Ooooh, bop bop bop
Ooooh, bop bop bop

I don't wanna give it
Why you wanna give it
Why you wanna giving it all away
Hey, hey, hey
Now you wanna give it
I should wanna give it
Now you wanna giving it all away

I don't wanna give it
Why you wanna give it
Why you wanna giving it all away
Hey, hey, hey
Now you wanna give it
I should wanna give it
Cos you giving it all away
Hey, hey, givin it all,
givin it all....away

Why do you want me?
why do you want me?

Cos' you're givin it all away,
Hey, paved paradise to put up a parking lot
--- A big yellow taxi, Counting Crows

The year of change.

Yeah, things have really changed for the different. How can I explain it? I guess, people are just growing up and figuring out who they are. I certainately have. Freakin great music to go along with it too. Yeah, we're all becoming who we want to become. Just, don't listen to what people are and be yourself.
I surprised a couple people today about my past which is great. They thought all of it was scary and could hardly handle it. It was hilarious watching their faces.
I guess we can never know what life is going to throw at us. We learn something new everyday of our lives. We'll never stop learning. We'll never stop changing.

Have you ever had one of those days where it seems like you're walking through a dream but it's reality? That nothing else could ever go wrong but it does anyways? I'm sure you have.
Those days are what slowly kill me. I can't handle the fact that maybe none of these actions I perform will make a difference tomorrow. I have this idea in my head that I have to make a difference somewhere every day or that day was a waste. It drains my energy and makes me depressed but feels so fulfilling.
And then, those days happen and it all comes crashing down. Those are the days when I break down and ignore the world. I shut down completely. It feels like a monster that will take me over for good, one day.

_____________________________

Let me in.
Let me into your life.

I can help you.
I can heal you.

Your heart is where I dwell.
Your heart is where you're broken.

I value your life.
I value your dreams.

Please, let me in.
Please, let me love you.

_________________________

Do I know you? Who are you?
I've met you before? When?
Oh.. I can't remember.
Why can't I remember?
Did you say we are together?
I'm sorry but I don't even remember you.
You could be anyone. I can't remember.
I can't believe you in this state.
I can't trust anyone.
I know, I'm sorry.
I don't remember if we're in love.
I'm sorry.
I can't remember.
__________________________________________

Can you imagine standing at the summit of the infamous mount Everest? Seeing the world from 29,029 ft. For those who are not nature enthusiasts, I apologize that you will never experience the awe of connecting with the real world. The world of steel and concrete is not the real world, if you already guessed. That is the man-made world that will destroy the Earth. You can say that that won't happen for another hundreds of years. Well, it doesn't matter. The amazing wonders of the natural world will disappear. And if you say you don't care, well, you're an idiot. I'm sorry, but you are. The world isn't all for the human race. We're the most greedy species on this Earth. We take what we want and destroy the homes of thousands of animals. Most people don't understand the way their lives affect animals, and most never care. Please, take into consideration the lives of the animals.
___________________________________________

The sun burns her skin
As the stars hide from stricken fear
The trees are bare
And the spirits show no reality
From her life comes the sorrow
From her love comes the hope

The moon washes the sins away
The stars cradle her broken body
As the black universe smiles loudly
Her lover weeps
Her angel stares into her cold eyes
Asking with grief
Forgive, forgive
My guardian failed

The flowers that wilt
The fakes that live
Will we ever know the truth?
Innocence is betrayed
Envy is forever here
Forgive me, forgive me.
I will leave you be.

A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8



My parents are Catholic. My friends are Methodist. I do not believe in either.
When you think of catholic, do you think statue worshipping bible thumper radicals? I think of regular people just being together through God. We recognize saints as a way to help us pray, not to worship. So, stop believing stereotypes. The only person you're hurting is yourself.

I do not believe in God. I believe in no religious figure. I believe that something out there is controlling the universe. Every god that has ever been created for religion is the same. They all have the purpose of explaining the unexplainable and to give a straight path to one's life. So we aren't scared. So we don't become lost in the world. So we don't give up.

Miracles do happen.

Think about it.

Miracles.

Do you think of cancer parents being miraculously cured?
Or of just a simple flower growing in a desert?

Do you think of a person being saved at the last second before death?
Or of two people meeting and have that instant "click"?

Do you think of a little kid surviving a fatal drowning that should have killed him?
Or of Fate controlling our future to make our dreams come true?

And, for instance, what about magic?
Could miracles and magic be the same?

Think of a flower growing in a desert.
Absolutely no water around, no cloud in the sky.
But, this plant still sees the need to live and thrive under those harsh conditions?
Why?
How?

Think of two people meeting. Small conversation and a few smiles.
Think of those two people a few months later. Did they fall apart or fall together?
What if those two people fell in love and survived a lifetime?
That's magic. Or is it a miracle? Or both?

Miracle
- an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.
- such an effect or event manifesting or considered as a work of God.
- a wonder; marvel.

Or, a work of unexplainable causes.

Magic
- the art of producing illusions as entertainment by the use of sleight of hand, deceptive devices, etc.; legerdemain; conjuring: to pull a rabbit out of a hat by magic.
- the art of producing a desired effect or result through the use of incantation or various other techniques that presumably assure human control of supernatural agencies or the forces of nature.

Or, a work of explainable causes.

Rules for Miracles:
Don't look for them.
The small ones are the most important ones.
Don't ignore them either.
Miracles can be good or bad.
_________________________________

Love
- a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
- a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
- sexual passion or desire.
- a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

_________________________________

What if you died?
Would you be missed?
Will you ask why?
Why did this happen to me?
How could I die?
Who will remember me?

Or will you let go?
Will you let go of the Earth as one of your possessions and continue living even after death?