Ready? Set. Go.

Lately, I've been rethinking my life and I've come to the conclusion that I will never live for another person, only myself. I will always accomplish the goals I have set and no one will ever hold me back.

I know a lot of people have this same mindset but never accomplish what they want. I can tell you I'm different than them, I can say how I am stronger than them but you won't ever believe me until I show proof.

Someday, I will. And I'll smile and laugh like I usually do.

Reality isn’t very different from the other side.

I’m going to fight for my dreams, how unrealistic they are. People who tell me that I cannot be who I want to be are the enemy. I’m casting them from my life with their pessimistic views.

 

But…

 

Please, let me into your life. Roll away that stone that blocks my way since I will not force myself into it if I am not wanted.

 

 

My sparks are diminishing. I cannot smile or laugh or love my art.

Can you lay next to me and give me your body, but also your love? Can you confess your love to me? I want your whole heart, not just pieces.

 

_________________

 

The girl smiles slightly, holding the bowstring taunt and staring down her enemies. She takes a step forward and swings the arrow head to a dashing boy covered in armor. She zero-ins on his eye and releases the string, making the arrow fly then pierce the boy in the head. He falls to the ground in a heap of metal and body. The girl stares at him with her dirtied face and ripped clothing. She walks to the body and twists the arrow from his head. She places it into the quiver on her back. Her eyes scan the area around her, looking for new enemies. With her contentment, the girl tiredly sits in front of a giant wooden gate in front of a stone castle. She smiles and laughs, thinking of her fights and sacrifices.

FREEDOM

When do we lose our child spirit? And why do we have to? What if we fought off the pressure to be a conformist? To grow up? Why can’t we still run around barefoot, getting dirty, laughing and screaming, playing games? Using our imaginations! Let us be wild, let us never grow up! We throve off of freedom. We thrive off of being ourselves. We should never have to choose between howling at the stars and acting like how we should act. So what if I want to run around in the woods, laughing? Can’t I have fun? Can’t we be ourselves instead of being turned into a monster? Why do we have to become what society wants us to become? Isn’t that infringing upon our own freedom? Our freedom to do what we want in this great land? I want to be free! I want to live my life! I don’t want to become like everyone else! I will not conform to your ways. Those traditional ways will not affect me. From this point on, I am creating my own freedom. My own life. The decisions I make are for me. I am discovering myself, my life, and my future. The past does not matter. The future is all I got and it’s all I need. The present is second best, but it’s missing motivation. It’s missing the secret ingredients that the future has. I can survive until then. I’ll live in the present, and hope for the future. I am my own pioneer. I am my own freedom.

I give respect for people who deserve it.

For those who do not deserve my respect, I have given you plenty of chances.
Parents.
People who tell me what is wrong with me.
People who criticize my life.
Those who are judgemental.
Those who don't tell the truth.
People who harm nature.

Here's your story. Here's the ending.

He shifts slightly, stretching out his body and slowly realizing where he is. His dark uniform is damp from the humid air created by the waterfall and the girl laying next to him is soundly asleep. With his stealth, he moves to the mouth of the cave, scanning the area through the waterfall. Suddenly, he crumples to the ground, gripping his bleeding chest. His hand finds a small sleek knife with a silver handle sunken into his heart. He grunts and finally yells out in pain, startling the girl. She jumps to her feet, running over to him. He breathes rapidly, his heart failing. His hand shakily reaches towards the girls face as she kneels beside him and caresses her face. He guides her head down slowly to his and kisses her weakly before losing his life. The girl is sobbing, looking over the man's body and slowly takes the knife out from his chest. She sets the knife aside and removes the mask from him, seeing his true self. She cries uncontrollably until she grabs the knife and his mask, walking through the misty waterfall, with her face dripping with tears but her heart as hard as stone.

Love, Happiness, and the sweet bite of drugs.

People say I have a big heart. How about a big fragile heart that gets destroyed every day? Well, that's what I have and I'm somewhat sick of it. I fall for people too easily and then I'm crushed when they turn and walk away. I'm too good, too nice. I'm too gullible. I take to people too quickly with their masks on. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being like this. Can I change myself? The way I used to be before going clean? That's what I need, corruption and pain. Pain to make me turn into stone. Pain to make me trust people less than I already do since it is too great. I need to turn into that girl I was before I fell in love. I need to become the girl with the fuck-off attitude once again. I need that strength to not care about what anyone else thinks again. Where did that all go? Did it go where everything else goes? Away with the other person, just like my love, happiness, and oh-so-sweet drugs?


Happiness. What the hell is happiness anymore? Seriously? Does anyone know? Then give me a hint. Is it in the materials? In our possessions? I doubt it. I bet it's within someone else. Someone else is searching for the same thing and I just need to find them. They will complete me, they will give me my happiness that I deserve. I've served other people far too long for this shit. I've been too nice to other people to not be rewarded. I've always been there for people, then why aren't they there for me when I need them the most?

Drugs. Who said they were bad the first time you came to that age? Your parents? Your guardians, teachers, some adult? Well, if you die a drug virgin, not my fault. You just didn't know how to live. Everyone should try a little pot at least once. Or, become a grifter. A motherfucker who lives the way they want to. Become one and I'm damn sure that you'll either hate it or love it for life.

Breathe.

I'm okay. I'm fine. I can survive this. I still love everyone, I still am content with life. I will be a great person. I will find my reward.

Good bye.

I'm taking a break. I need to escape. No reason to panic, just a little refresher.

I need to find myself again...