The dying day.

As the day, or night, comes to a close, I review what has happened. I think about the events that have happened that day. I think of the arguments, the give-ups, and the happiness. The emotions that overwhelmed me and the emotions that overwhelmed other people. The body language conversations that go on without any words involved. The smirks and grins, frowns and creased foreheads, that all happen in the hallways. Don't speak, just observe. Every day has something to teach you, take the time to listen.

Stars. The guardians of the moon.

The sun has the strongest force from the elements. The moon has the weakest, since it relies on the sun. But, the moon also has guardians, the stars. These stars not only help the moon, they also protect us. The stars are there to care. They do not have a major part in life but to care for the moon and us. With that caring, they become loving. Understanding. Compassionate. I hope some star dust rubs off onto us...

The thoughts of a typical teenager..

The English language is a very complicated language. We have so many different words for the same meaning. I could not imagine learning the English language in a foreign language class. I can hardly understand French! I guess the world will never become one, especially with the language barrier. I love trying to communicate with just hand signals. Silent days are the best.
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Usually on camping trips, I hardly talk, yes or no answers, and usually fast. My friends become nervous when we arrive since they know what I do. It is my way of connecting to nature. Like Buddha! I don't want to disturb the way of the earth, especially with sound. I become overwhelmed with nature while I'm out there. I can never help it. Unless someone is there with me, I never come back until it is dark. I'm afraid of the dark. It's more of a phobia. I can begin to breakdown and become very scared. I can cry, shake and collapse. If it is a full moon that night, then I will be fine. The light of the night.
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I've never really noticed how much power people use for technology. I glanced at the floor in my US history class today and my eyes were drawn to the power cord. Every outlet was occupied by a plug. I looked at the new smart board that every classroom received over the summer. Do school really need these technological advances?
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Creating something in your image. What your mind rolls together and molds is your creation. I felt like God today in ceramics. I molded together a creation in my image. The image I wanted to see it as. I do not want this creation changed either. So, I ask, what right do we have to change God's?
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Should I be surprised by how much people care about what other people think about them? You need the coolest clothes. Newest top music. Best technology. Cutest hair style. In the long run, does it really matter?

The Death Trap.

While my dad and I were waiting for the light to change, a car rushed past us, going maybe 70 mph. On the parkway. Speed limit, is what, 40-50? Afterwards, I looked at the dotted white line. That line saved my life, unintentionally. My mind started to wander about how we, as people, give our trust to everyone else when we first start to drive onto the road. We give our lives to complete strangers. We give our children, our family, our love to strangers. We expect these strangers to respect our lives, to cherish and give care to them. So many lives are cut short from not respecting each other...

Breath deep and let go..

Why is saying good bye so hard? Especially when it's to someone that you love? It wasn't a genuine good bye but it felt pretty close. I've changed my life dramatically lately. I can't give you the specifics but let's just say it's so much more different. It pains me to say this, but, I'm much more happy. I know what you're thinking. And I can't give you an explanation. I had hope but over the past two years... It disappeared. I don't know how but it did. I know that it will never come back. This is for you. You know who you are. I'm sorry and I know you're going to make someone very happy someday.

Memory Lane.. Not the lovely yellow brick road..

The sun blazes overhead as people, who don't have better things to do, stand by a freshly dug grave, looking at the deer skins they are about to throw in. One girl, no older than thirteen, thumbs her deer skin and a blue necklace. She has no expression as she steps forward and throws the skin into the grave. She hesitates as she pulls the other outstretched hand back to her. This girl stares at the necklace until an older gentlemen steps forward and wraps his arm around her shoulder. She looks up at him as a gust of wind blows her hair into her face. The old man leans down, whispers into her ear,"You can keep it. I am sure the wind of his spirit is saying so." A small grin tickles onto her face as she hooks the choker around her neck. As she turns around, her emotions consume her, allowing tears to flow freely upon her cheeks.

Everyone is fighting a hard battle. Within themselves or against everyone else. We fight them everyday, with no victory in mind. The fight can be from or in the past, present or future. Our outside appearance is fine. It's what goes on inside that slowly consumes the soul, suffocating and slowly murdering us from the inside out. We may never know if this battle will end, triumphant or lost.

Love.

I was watching sesame street with my little cousin...
Grover & Rosita had to define love in 15 seconds. I was thinking on it, and i thought about love myself. Love is way too deep to define in 15 seconds, or even 15 days. Words can't describe it. Maybe it's just a pull to one person, stronger than lust. The fact that you see the inside of a person, and not just the outside. You can see every fault, but you don't care. All that matters to you is the great things about the person. Sure, looks are nice, but in the long run, does it really matter? What does matter is the fact that you feel your eyes light up when you see that special person, and their lips curl into a smile at the sight of you. Maybe the two people that love each other are claiming they're just friends, when really, they both want to be more. Maybe you need to hide, and find out if you really love someone if they pull you out. Love is more than that warm and fuzzy feeling. Maybe, just maybe, love is talking to your "just friend", and when you both have to go your separate ways, you whisper "i love you" quiet enough for just you to hear, but you swear that you heard the "just friend" say "i love you" too. When the 15 seconds where just about over, Rosita pulled Grover into a hug and kissed his cheek. I watched my cousins eyes light up. Maybe love is only detected by everyone else around. Maybe, just maybe, it takes an outside force to put love into motion. And maybe, just maybe, if you were thinking about one person this whole time reading this, then...
you're in love too.

This was from a website. I do not remember which one or where. All I remember is when I started reading this, I did think of one person. He's very special to me. Now, most of the people that know me would guess on someone I'm very close to but they would be wrong. I'm not in love. I'm just always happy when I talk to him and can be myself. I don't have to hide anything and I appreciate him so very much.

Understanding and compassion are probably the most important values in a relationship. Love is not one thing, but many things combined. When you say "I love you" to someone, it says so much more than the basic stereotypical love. Saying "I love you", is also saying "I'm yours" or "forever be mine".

Love is the most powerful bond between people, even if it's friend love or reserved special love. There's so many degrees of love in this world that no one person could ever choose just one person to love.

I know what love feels like. I feel every degree of love that is out there every day. I hope you can too someday.

Change..

Today was the first day of school, which was pretty exciting. The first day hype always makes everyone cheerful, even the new freshmen. The freshmen this year are very nervous for some reason. In this tiny school, we welcome everyone, well, mostly everyone.

I am a junior. I can't remember if I've already said that, but, yeah. Next year i will be a crazy graduating senior. That scares me so much but i am very anxious. I am shooting for some average colleges, Like Le Moyne and maybe Barren Penn State. I'm an average person, wanting an extraordinary life.

A good book

Have you ever had a day when you just wanted to snuggle up with a good blanket, some hot cocoa and a good book? Waste the day that way? It gives the mind and body a well-needed rest, that's plain different than sleeping. A fireplace would be an extra bonus and your significant other snuggling with a blanket next to you would be better.

I am reading a book called The Oath. It's about sin. With a twisted plot to it. It sends chills up my spine. I don't know how to explain.

The Future

In about a week, I will be an official junior. I am very excited for this year, but also kinda scared. More anxious than anything. The future scares me alittle bit. I'll be going away to college soon and then after that what will happen?

I want to travel the world, actually it's more of a need. I've been contained in one space for too long and i need to get out and about. I love learning so either a zoologist, the study of animals, or archealogist, the study of ancient cultures, would workd out nicely! I have always loved traveling and I want to continue my passion.

One thing that usually stops me from continuing out this dreams is that I would never be able to travel alone. I mean, I have been independent most of my life but traveling the world is scary as hell. And being alone makes it worse.